George Kuchar. Does the name sound familiar? Well, it shouldn’t, and if I had my way, you’d never have known it in the first place. Yes, you likely only know it because I just told it to you, but it’s not my fault; I’m hogtied into talking about the man, due to the presence of his short film, Hold Me While I’m Naked, on the List. Why this is on here, I have no idea; why it even exists, I haven’t a clue. This is the sort of short that is insulting to an aspiring filmmaker such as myself, since a film of this quality and content could easily have been squirted out by any competently artistic ten-year-old.
This has all the aesthetic and sensibility of a student film gone hideously out of whack. The video and sound quality were less than stellar, to say the least; most of the plot just seemed to be about the one filmmaker and a lot of naked and sexually alluring women, which isn’t much of a plot, but makes for one hell of a selling point. There’s some interesting images in this, I’ll give it that, but nothing that screams, “Oh my god, you HAVE to see this before you die”. Really, there’s nothing to this at all, and yet, everywhere I look, I can find at least one review or bullet point about this short calling it a masterpiece. Why? How? How is this a masterpiece? Really, that word is tossed around so much it has lost its relevance, but even in this watered-down lexicon, I cannot find any place for such a word to be thrown at this short.
Okay, at this point, I’m just emptying the rest of my clip into the dead corpse that lies before me, so I’ll stop, and just say this. Should you see this film? No, not really. It may not be as purely depraved as Flaming Creatures, or as baselessly random as Un Chien Andalou, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything of worth to be had here. It’s mostly just your average cliché American wannabe-Nouvelle-Vague student film; a mash-up of various elements with little to no care as to how they should go together. I suspect the elements of the underground film scene of yesteryear are mostly self-referential, as certain “major” players in the underground all seem to have one obligatory slot on the list, seemingly for no other reason than all the others have a slot of their own. Oh well; seems I’m not fully out of the woods quite yet.
Arbitrary Rating: 4/10