So. It’s been a year. What happened?
A lot of things, and at the same time, not a whole lot. I’ve had a variable work schedule, the total hours each week going up and down pretty much on a whim, which has wrought a bit of havoc on my general motivation, especially to watch movies. Not to mention the addition of a couple new hobbies, which have been kinda hard to keep up with as well, for much the same reasoning, which is largely what I feel I should touch upon, if I’m going to at all.
Depression can be both a very simple and very complicated thing to deal with. It can come and go, either instigated or seemingly at random, and it can be either a mild setback in terms of how it affects you or it can be surprisingly debilitating, almost sneaky in how it saps away motivation and desire to do things, things you need to do or even things you merely want to do. It sucks to lose interest not just in life in general, but especially in things that used to or would normally interest you; it’s almost like you’re losing a part of yourself, and you can’t manage to figure out why.
What I do tend to do when this seems to be a recurrent problem in my life is read; I read a lot of self-help books and articles, mostly hoping to happen upon that one magical thing that will hit home and start a chain reaction that will end with me overcoming things like this once and for all, or even serve as a foundation that I can then stand firm on and go forward in a way that I seem unable to when issues like these rear their heads. It should serve as a persistent reminder to myself, and I guess to some others as well, that despite my constant searching and consumption of material in my endeavors, this problem is still here, and to hope upon hopes that there is that one missing ingredient, that one magical cure-all that will end the struggle and make me or anyone else all better the way the body can make itself all better after a common cold is, quite possibly, a misguided tactic to take. It might work for some people, but it might not work for me. I can’t really know for sure.
If it is the case that there is no ultimate end to this fight for me, then it really just amounts to one thing that I’ve run into a number of times in my reading, something that is a hard concept for me to grind into my head so it becomes habit just by nature of the illness itself, but is still the only thing that I need remind myself of, even if I need to remind myself often: just keep moving forward. Keep pushing, even and especially when I don’t really feel like doing much of anything, and the rest will follow; it will become easier, as long as I keep at that first step, not just trying for it but actually doing it. Replacing poor or negative habits in the brain with positive and effective habits is such a monumentally difficult task for someone with depression, especially the type of depression that I have, that it can seem insurmountable pretty much all of the time. Doesn’t matter; that’s what I need to keep reminding myself, just keep doing and the rest will come. As Dory absentmindedly sings to herself in Finding Nemo, just keep swimming.
Did I need to post this here, almost like an excuse as to why this blog has been idle for so long to anyone who might be reading it? Not really. Mostly, it feels like something that I just needed to write down for myself; which, incidentally, is how this blog started in the first place.
I love cinema. And I want to keep at it as much as I can. For me, that means watching movies again, even if work or hobbies or just the malaise of life in general makes me feel not up to it. It’s going to be hard, but hopefully only at first; I’ve watched an incredible amount of films in my life and for this blog already, to where I know through empirical evidence that it’s a habit I can keep if I have a mind to it. And if I don’t feel like I have a mind to, well… just keep swimming.
Now, on to more tangible things:
It took a while (indeed, it took the book actually coming out, with no leaks like in years prior), but this year’s crop of additions to the 1001 List is here:
Phantom Thread (2017)
The Greatest Showman (2017)
Crazy Rich Asians (2018)
A Star is Born (2018)
Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
The Favourite (2018)
Sorry to Bother You (2018)
As usual, there’s a couple or so additions from the previous year in addition to the new field; one which I’m a little excited to get to sooner than later, and another that I’m… not as excited was even added. Hopefully I’m wrong about that one, but I’m not holding my breath. Meanwhile, the field from 2018 looks promising, and is pretty much what I was expecting from the list; one or two welcome surprises (Hereditary, Infinity War), one or two WTF additions, for lack of a better way to put it (Sorry to Bother You, Crazy Rich Asians), one or two foreign-language darlings (Roma, Capernaum), a bunch from the Best Picture field, and of course, last year’s Best Picture Winner……
…Wait. Where’s Green Book?
Yep, it finally happened; this is the first time the Book was updated without adding the Best Picture winner. Some previous winners that got added didn’t last through later revisions, or even the next year’s revisions, but it seems the editors thought so little of this past year’s Best Picture winner that they didn’t even bother to add it at all. Frankly, even though I have yet to actually see Green Book myself, I’m inclined to agree with the editors’ decision, mostly going off of the reception of Green Book in the circles I’ve come to respect, coupled with the absolutely stratospheric level of vitriol that accompanied its somehow managing to win Best Picture over a good half of the rest of the field. That said, it does mean that my yearly first-addition post will need a slight change-up from how I usually do it, especially since I still need to finish last year’s field, which I will try to do in its entirety before I get to these new ones, just for organizational purposes.
I’m not gonna promise this blog won’t potentially have another lull or hiatus in the future; given everything that I tried to explain in this already massive update post, I pretty much can’t make that promise. Still, I’m gonna try, and even if there’s basically nobody else but me here for this post to get to… well, I guess that’s enough for me. And, if it’s not just me… then thanks for reading. 🙂
Let’s keep filming.